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Friday, June 10, 2005

  Suddenly MD.

Hello. Please excuse my long absence, there was quite a lot going on. And I'm curious to see how it's all going to sound once it is written down.

My time of studying has come to an end. Suddenly I become aware that I am no longer a student. And that feels... weird.

I remember so vividly how it all started. How I entered the university for the first time, examined my first patient, took my first blood sample. How I never thought about it all ending, it just never came to my mind. Later I would assist in surgery, listen to people's worries, make sure that psychiatric patients get a new job and a home once they leave the clinic. But I did this as a student. Always as a student.

Now I am a medical doctor. And I don't know how to do things. I don't know how to do things as a medical doctor.

Reason tells me that I should just do what I've always been doing. That seemed to work well enough, didn't it? It's not that easy though. For I am no longer a student and cannot do things they way I did then. Simply because...

Maybe it has to do with responsibility. Not only towards the patient but towards the job itself. The profession. My profession. Yes. See, it is no longer about being a student.

As my dear said: "Now, if someone screams 'is there a doctor around?', you have to say 'here!'" I don't think I'm fully aware of what this means, not yet. It still has to crawl up to my consciousness.

Soon.

Martin, MD. Who the hell would have thought...